Voyvobitch

I think that it should be summer now. I am a little overwhelmed at the prospect of this entry. I am waking up my roommate with my typing so I should stop. It is sad that it is Saturday night and I am writing on this I realize, there are reasons but I must go to bed.

I'm in Portland for the weekend. I had to go to a knee specialist yesterday. It was good times, the physical therapist made me do exercises that resembled humping the air. I am enjoying being home, even if it does make me a little antsy not having something to do every second. I really needed the r&r and the digital cable...damn I love Entourage. If you are in Portland give me a call I miss everyone of my Portland people. There are no snacks at my house I don't know what to do. There are also contractors stomping through my house every hour of the day, I think that my parents like the contractors better than me and my brother at this point. I think they see them more any way. My mom got drunk while we watched Walk the Line last night. It was hilarious, she spent the rest of the night singing I Walk The Line to the cats.

So I have been nudged or whatever so I am writing. It's been a good weekend so far, it has gone by really quickly. I feel like Friday barely happened. Last night I went to Junior show, it was okay, all my friends are going tonight and if you are going I recommend being under the influence. I was not under the influence, but a lot of my friends were in it and I am going to Wellsley tonight so it was just the way it worked out. I found some friends to sit with inside, but it turns out that they are tools. One of the girls pointed to this lesbian couple and said that one of the girls was really pretty so she had no reason to be gay. At that point I moved over a seat away from them. They are blond and on the cross country team kind of girls, and they are fun to go out, but apparently they are homophobic morons when we are all sober. We drove to Wethersfield last night, because Steph's dad went away on business and left us snacks, and I am not one to pass up snacks. Still the forty minute drive was kind of intense especially since I had just sat through an hour and a half show, and we had Amy stowed in the trunk of the Jeep...I felt kind of bad for her. This was one of those situations where I was really glad I am tall, the littlest always gets the bitch seat. All my friends passed out before me, and as usual it was me perky and alone...luckily I have the same taste in music as a forty year old man. So I had a little dance party to Billy Joel. I am So excited to see Julia and Beth! Tonight is going to amazing! I am officially the sickly kid, but I feel like I am better from this damn cold, so I can get back to the gym and my normal routine. I think that I am going to take this return to live journaling slow and end here. This was rough, I am not going to lie, but next time it will just be that much easier. I love "Walking In Memphis" if you are not listening to some version of it right now fix that.

I really want to go back to school. I honestly never thought I would want to go back so badly. I am even looking forward to field hockey pre-season. I need to leave Portland. I love it here but it's really time to leave again. It's weird I love all my friends here and I have been having a great time with them lately. Still I want to start over again, school offers that. I feel stuck, I think that staying in Portland all summer was a really bad idea I have reverted back to bad habits and kept some bad habits that I gained at school. I think that playing field hockey will help me kick some of my more self destructive habits. I just keep doing stupid things and making my mono worse. I can't seem to stay put and rest and I really want to get better but I can't seem to stay put. I am just really bored and looking forward to a change. I am ready to study, I think that I have just kind of wasted my summer. I had some really great experiences but I didn't use the time well in between.

The mono is making me angry. I am really tired all the time and it gets me into trouble because I get cranky...to say the least. I went to Indiana for a week, it was cool I just hung out with my grandma our big trip out was to the department store. My poor grandmother hadn't been shopping in two years because she has been taking care of my papa for so long. We visited him twice while we were there, it was hard because he is nothing like he used to be, he is so lethargic. He barely spoke the entire time we were there. My grandmother is so lonely on the farm, and I can't blame her she is isolated there, surrounded by cornfields. The farm house is awesome though, it looks like it hasn't been redecorated since 1964, but it is spotless. I wish that they still kept animals on the farm, except for most of those animals would have to be killed or sold so maybe not. The worst smell in the world is the smell of hog shit. It is so strong, when we go to the diners to eat, all the farmers come in from working and the smell is so bad. I am rambling because I am tired but I had caffiene without thinking so my mind is racing. Writing in this always seems like a good idea but then I read over what I have written and I can't stand it. I am going to go make myself sleep.

So I have Mono, that means no kissing for a little while, sorry I know half of Portland is sad about that. It also means no job, no field hockey, no nothing...I have mixed feelings about all of it. I guess it means more time to update this thing...great. I guess I am a little relieved about no field hockey. I actually got to Connecticut on my way to field hockey camp when we had to make an unexpected stop in Connecticut at a hospital, which sounds more dramatic than it was, but all in all it worked out because my mom was going to drive to NYC to meet my dad so I tagged along and had a good time considering my throat felt like I had swallowed a tennis ball. I got to see Anna and Colin separately and I really enjoyed seeing both of them. I miss all my Portland friends who are not in Portland anymore, I didn't realize how empty the city would feel without them, even though I am garnering a new appreciation for my Portland friends who are sticking it out in the summer. My brother's friends are in the living room so I don't know what to do with myself my eyes are barely focusing because I am so tired but the medicene that I have to take says that I can't lie down for a half hour after I take so I can't sleep and I have one more dose to take so no sleep for a little while. Back to my brother...HE DOESN'T LIVE HERE ANYMORE SO WHY IS HE ENTERTAINING FRIENDS HERE? For that matter he isn't entertaining them he left them in the kitchen not introducing them or anything and went outside to talk to my parents on the porch so I had to invite them in and show them the bathrooms and everything while he continued out on the porch for 40 minutes...he is a tool.

I can't sleep. I have set up a bit of a fort in my brother's ex-room, I think that I shall annex it as my study and if my parents protest I will start a revolution...I need to sleep, actually with the ridiculous amount of sleep that I have been getting I probably don't need to sleep but whatever, I get really paranoid when I am up late by myself. My cat is sleeping right in the middle of my bed and he looks so cute that I don't really have the heart to move him. My weird neighbors are having a party and I can hear every conversation they have in my room. It is annoying/entertaining. I have to go to Albany, New York tomrrow for a graduation party held for a girl I haven't seen since I was around 7 so this will be awkward...ooh it sounds like someone is getting in a fight outside I am going to go spy on them.

FUCK MONDAYS

Wilder!!!!We got Wilder! How a moving group of 8 got a dorm with a dining hall right on the green and next to the campus center I will never know. Oh wait, because it is also the most haunted with the coach where we had to run a timed mile and then I had to go straight from that to hall dorm on campus. Oh well I am so relieved, the hall choosing process is so nervewracking. Today has been all about nerves: first in tech crew I had to use power tools, then I had my first field hockey practice choosing. Fuck, anyways there are good days to come...especially with your mom. Oh and my friends from ice hockey just got a beruit (sp?) table, which I predict will make my weekend really fun. People need to visit. The Valley is really pretty right now and I miss all my hommies from P-town and YCTC...and again if you all can't visit can your mothers?

School is funny ha ha i think that it is funny. two men having sex in vic's room two women ( i am not one thank you) having sex in my room. there are currently five people sleeping in amy's room while iam in here playing lets get it on and dancing and writing in this journal. is anyone other than me straight anymore. i miss boys a lot, but it's cool if no one else is straight cause i love all my pals. good night

Still sick, thought I was better yesterday so I went places and this in turned just made me sicker. It was a sad night because I missed out on three really good parties. Still maybe my body is trying to tell me something about parties. I am bored bored bored. My friends have been so nice, I really appreciate it. Good times, I have made a lot of process on the first season of Queer As Folk so that's something. I also really believe that today might be the Saturday where I actually do some of my homework. I could be big. My roommate was sick last night too, but the alcohol kind of sick. We were a sad room.

I've been sick for the last three days. I think I am allergic to Smith, I swear like every time I go there I get sick. Went with Erin for the Le Tigre and I got all naseous and dizzy so I ended up sitting downstairs in the cafe and missing the whole concert. Since then I have only left my room three times. It's cool though bed rest and Queer As Folk are the best medicine. I am glad that I hadn't skipped to many classes so I could afford to miss some when I actually needed to. My friends have been great, even though they think that the cure for everything is drinking tea, no matter how much I refuse. I'm a little bored out of my mind. Still maybe being tired this weekend will be a good reason to stay in and do work.

I thought I was all bad-ass skipping two classes today, it turns out that one of the classes was canceled and that most of the girls in my dorm did the same thing. Oh well other than that I've eaten some soup today and it was excellent. Good times....

It has been quite a weekend. Two funny parties, theme parties are certainly the best. Dressing up just adds that certain something. It was really fun seeing Anna and Thu, it made me happy that my friends here loved them. I met some funny people at both parties. The party at Amherst was great for just dancing and being stupid. The Drag Ball was fabulous for seeing all my mhc girls. I am officially tired after very little sleep both nights, however I am happy to say that other than sleepy I am not hungover. I am sad that the weekend is over already, but whatever. I am ready to buckle down and work...in a few hours

I'm listening to Billy Joel on iTunes and it is amazing. If you think that I am lame for listening to Billy Joel then join the club. I am taking a break from people. I feel like maybe it is a bad idea to make friends in your dorm because you have to see them all the time. I love them all but there is a lot of denial going on. I had my Hampshire class today which is kind of funny most of the time, but today it was horrible. We watched a poorly made video on Stanislavsky and the pretentious kids in our class kept talking to hear themselves talk. Okay now I'm listening to the Violent Femmes and I miss the summer. The weekend is going to be awesome Thu and Anna are coming up. Friday is the pornstar prom at Amherst and Saturday is the Drag Ball here which is supposed to actually not suck like all the parties thrown here do. I started cleaning my room and then I had to go to class, but I am feeling cleaning again.

Weird day. My loveable(?) akwardness has struck again. How do I do it? Still I went running with some girls from my hockey team and it felt good to actually run instead of running on a treadmill. But I was akward as I am with new people. Even though I always complain that I don't feel like the work is challenging here, I sometimes wonder if I would actually do work if it was, I barely ever do the unchallenging work, though I think my problem is that it is too easy to get away with not doing work. If it affected my grade I might do more work. I'm really happy it's Wednsday already 'cause I have no real work left. I guess I should be writing in my journal for performance class. I wish that I had some profound and interesting things to write in both journals, however...I don't.

I feel like I need to learn how to make myself do work. I feel as though I am lazy. I think that this may become a problem. Oh well. School's good, I'm glad I'm here. Classes are good, I have a class at Hampshire. This class is kind of awesome, it's all about Eastern European Theater. The teacher is Bosnian and likes me because I am Croatian. I'm not sure I particularly like hockey. There are only twelve practices which I don't mind, but combine that with ten games and I am not sure that I want to commit that much of my time to it. Of course I say that as though I have something better to do, which I don't. I would really like it to be the weekend. However it is only Tuesday. I find this depressing.

This is horrible. I don't think that I have to reiterate why. It is so frusterating. Only 17% of eligible young people voted in this election. I was crying so much in my theater class that the paper I was writing was illegible because of tear stains. I really thought he would win. I should have done more. I am really disappointed in this country.

Here is my weekend:Hampshire Halloween, Driving to Wellsly at 1AM only to get lost end up in Boston and finally make my way to the College @5AM, slept 5 hours, ate a waffle at Wellsley dining hall, drive back to Mount Holyoke(the way back only took two fucking hours), watch O.C. at dorm with a bunch of people, go out to dinner at a bad restaurant for my birthday, eat ice cream at Harrells, go to frat party where a drunk girl falls down the stairs taking me with her, go to an all night diner where a drunk man hits on me, sleep, drive Beth to Springfield, girls in my dorm give me a birthday pumpkin and pumpkin pie, my mom sent me a cake, I eat pieces of both (with my friends, I am not that pathetic) more O.C., now should I go dancing with my friends at a gay bar, trick or treat, hand out candy with other friends, do work (not gonna happen), or watch more O.C.? That is the question.

I am locked out of my room because I am dumb. It's cool though. I had a good day, I saw a really awesome concert in North Hampton with some girls from my hockey team. It was Stephen Kellogg and the Sixers. All the guys in the band were really hot, I really miss boys, true story. It was cool hanging out with people who aren't first years, they were really confident and interesting. After the concert I hung out with Osh in North Hampton and we got the best hot chocolate I've ever had. My parents are here for parent and family weekend so Osh and I met up with them in North Hampton and had a late dinner. It was weird being with my parents, nice, but I am glad I left the nest. I'm really tired, I hope my roommates get back from UMASS soon. I'm sad I missed going out with all the girls in my dorm tonight, but I think it was good that I branched out and spent time with new people...and Osh. I really need to stop sleeping through my Italian class, it's not my fault, who schedules classes at 9 in the morning??? Okay so I know high school was earlier, but um there's too much to do here at night and I have hockey until midnight three nights a week, and trust me it is best if I shower after practice. This week was definitely a blur I had so much fucking work to do and I didn't do any work last weekend which really screwed me over. Still last weekend was spectacular Vegas night was hilarious and a very good time. It's the one night where there are actually boys on campus. I can't wait for Halloween and my birthday next weekend. I think that I need to focus on academics more than I have been. Well actually I've been doing okay, but I am really nervous about the paper I just turned in. I'm glad that the Red Sox are going to the series, I don't really follow baseball, but I always felt kind of bad for the Red Sox. I think I'll see if my roommates are back yet. This sucks I have a game tomorrow at ten and I was really hoping to get some sleep.